so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
