You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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