This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
