i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
