so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I only lived at night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
