I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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