my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
