I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize