what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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