my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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