Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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