what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
