Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
