Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
