My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
