I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
