dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
