I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
