I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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