life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
