Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
