New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
