Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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