Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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