Your tits are I can't wait for
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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