Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
