Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
