he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
