nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
