I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
