I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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