if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had to coat check the pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
