i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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