Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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