i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
