I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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