Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
