Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
