I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
