it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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