Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
