So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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