just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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