I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize