did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
