I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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