those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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