Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
