my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar