he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
