Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
