i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...