they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Couch. On fire.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
