Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.