We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
