I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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