I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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