Im at strip club and am horny
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
