ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My liver just broke up with me...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
