he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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