You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
