Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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