Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
