He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
