You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
