i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
