i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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